Stained
by gtgrandom
Summary: Marinette loses her best friend, then her partner. After two years, can she mend a broken bond? (Major death)
1. Chapter 1

The akuma held Ladybug in its grasp, choking the life out of her. Chat could see the pain on her face—the panic. She was trying to wriggle her charm from her waist, but her hands kept returning to the rough fingers around her throat.

He had to act fast.

Bounding for his left, Chat used his cataclysm power to deteriorate the chains on the large suspension platform beside him.

"Wait, Chat—" Ladybug croaked.

Unhinged, the metal bridge plummeted, and the akuma was forced to let his Lady go, leaping for cover. Upon her freedom, Ladybug crashed backwards onto the beams of the roof and stared wide-eyed below her.

"Chat!" she shrieked.

He followed her line of vision to the concrete.

It happened in slow motion, yet too fast for him to move, too quickly for him stop it.

Alya stood open-mouthed, phone recording, as the ceiling came down upon her. Her awe turned to terror just as she disappeared beneath heaps of metal. Chat screamed.

 _No_.

Alya…Alya…. _Alya_ …

After the horror released him, he shot down to the ground, hoisting the heavy beams away from the pile of debris, hoping, praying…

He heard Ladybug above, taking out the akuma, restoring the world to how it once had been. Almost.

Before him, the rubble disappeared in a swarm of red light, leaving behind a broken figure.

Chat almost puked. He fell to his knees, hands gathering Alya into his lap.

Ladybug joined him, holding her breath.

"Alya?" he begged. He shook her slightly. "Wake up."

Her hair dripped from blood, and the contusion on her head was widespread. She was limp.

"Wake up!" he screamed, hoarse, unbelieving. Ladybug's heartbroken sobbing propelled him into shock.

He'd just…he'd just…

A crowd had begun to form in the garage around them, taking in the scene. Gasps and murmurs. Cries of outrage.

But Chat only had eyes for the outgoing, charismatic girl he'd murdered. How could this have happened? One moment, he was trying to save his partner, and then next...

Slowly, Ladybug drew Alya out of his arms, into her own, tucking her to her.

Chat couldn't breathe. The lump in his throat blocked all passage of air. He glanced down at his hands, soaking in blood. Warm, but freezing cold.

"A girl has been killed…." a reporter related solemnly.

He'd killed her. It was an accident. But he'd killed her. He hadn't been paying attention to his surroundings. He should have known Alya would be there. She was _always_ there!

"Ladybug…" he rasped unconsciously.

Almost imperceptibly, she shied away from him. Like she didn't trust him anymore. As though he'd flipped a switch, and now he was the enemy.

But even Hawk Moth had never murdered anyone.

"Just…go, Chat."

The order gave him direction. Go. Leave. Get out of here before things get ugly.

He clambered to his feet, swaying slightly.

Ladybug didn't look at him.

She would never look at him after this. He'd killed a civilian. One of his best friends.

Nino's _girlfriend_.

Chat backed away, eyes fogging over. He tore away, despite the pleas of the crowd, the confusion, his Lady's tears.

He ran, and he didn't look back.

* * *

OoO

* * *

Marinette found Nino at the funeral—the first time she'd seen him since…since that day—and she crossed the distance and flung herself into his arms. He immediately enveloped her small frame, crying into her shoulder.

Alya was gone.

It was so unpredictable. So outrageous. Her Alya had been killed? Her strong, fearless friend?

It didn't make sense.

Marinette had never witnessed a death before. She had never experienced loss like this. It was new, and terrifying, and the stinging behind her eyes and inside her throat never seemed to wane.

She finally pulled away from Nino, watching as he wiped his eyes and nose.

"She was so stupid," he laughed, tears still trickling at a constant rate. "Ladybug always told everyone to clear the area. She told Alya specifically to stay away. But Alya was so goddamn stubborn."

Marinette grabbed his trembling hand.

"That's an understatement," she chuckled sadly. She looked around, spotting all of Alya's extended family, the school district, her friends… "Adrien?" she wondered.

Nino shook his head. "I guess…people grieve in different ways."

Marinette felt cold. Was he all alone in his giant house with his father for company? Would Gabriel even comfort his son? It wasn't right.

None of this was right. It was like she'd entered the Twilight Zone.

Nino squeezed her hand. "Alya wouldn't want us to wallow, Mari. She'd want us to keep living fully."

Marinette thought of the bright, mischievous smile. The girl she called on a daily basis. The best friend she'd ever had.

"I don't know if I can."

"Me neither," Nino replied sadly. "But we'll try to. Together."

Marinette nodded.

Her eyes roamed the walls of the Césaire household, landing on the picture of Alya's fifth grade graduation. She carried Marinette on her back, both laughing hysterically.

 _Together_.

* * *

OoO

* * *

A week had passed, and too much had changed.

Adrien had dropped out of Dupont, returning to home school at his father's request. Apparently, Gabriel Agreste didn't approve of the dangers his son faced in the public setting, where a majority of the akumas had been engendered. Alya's death had only greased the fire, so he'd removed Adrien from his place of acceptance.

All of a sudden, he was gone. Another empty chair.

Marinette wished she could have at least…said goodbye. It was just another change that set her world off kilter. And according to Nino, Adrien hadn't even answered his calls, or responded to his texts. He'd straight up disappeared.

She didn't understand how someone could cut all their ties with the world they once knew and order a clean slate…just like that.

With Adrien gone, Nino and Marinette had become each other's emotional support. They'd sit together and eat together, and they respected one another's silence. It was a friendship she'd never expected, but one she was truly grateful for.

"Chloe's been civil," Marinette remarked as she sat beside Nino.

"She probably misses the banter with Alya. Those two could go at it."

Marinette smiled. It was true. Alya was the fighting force against Chloe's shit. Adrien had been the pacifier. Now…

Well, it was better not to dwell on it.

Nino glanced down at his phone and clenched his jaw. Marinette read the screen curiously.

It was a highlight from Ladybug's press conference yesterday. Her statement to the public.

To say the least, it hadn't been received well. She'd tried to explain that it was unintentional, a tragic accident—what Chat had done—but whether it was the sadness in her own eyes or the unconvincing tone of her voice, the world responded with hate.

They blamed Chat for the death of a civilian. Analyzed his sincerity. Critiqued his usefulness.

It made her angry, and she'd tried to shut most of it out. Her Chat hadn't meant for any of this to happen. He was sincere, and honest, and good.

"He didn't even show up," Nino muttered.

"Who?"

"Chat Noir," he seethed. "He couldn't even apologize? He didn't have the decency to give his condolences? What a coward."

Marinette bit her tongue. Nino was just grieving. He had to direct his anger somewhere. Even if it was misplaced.

Speaking of Chat…

The pair hadn't spoken at all since the accident. She'd been in shock, ignoring her duties as Ladybug so she could properly grieve. According to the press, Chat Noir had laid low as well, unseen and unheard.

A few days after the akuma event, he'd left her a single, heartbroken message.

"I'm so… _so_ sorry, Ladybug."

And that was it. That was all she was given.

She knew Chat had the tendency to blame himself for things beyond his control. Yes, he had produced the mechanism which ultimately killed Alya. But Alya had also been somewhere she shouldn't have. They were both at fault, in different ways.

She thought she'd be angrier with Chat. When the grief began to pass, she waited for the anger, the hate. He was the source of this pain. The source of her loneliness.

But that was just it. She'd realized he was dealing with this alone. He couldn't tell anyone what he'd done. He couldn't confide in anyone but Ladybug.

And Ladybug had shut him out for reasons mostly unknown to her partner.

* * *

OoO

* * *

That night she contacted him to meet her for patrol. He didn't answer, which was extremely unlike him. She decided to go out anyway, try her luck. Oddly, no akumas had appeared for a stretch of time. She would have expected more with Alya's death and the concurrent mourning, but she supposed a tragedy like that made people value life and the things that truly matter. It gave Hawk Moth little to work with.

She waited for Chat for over an hour, her insides growing taught with anxiety. Chat never ignored her. He'd always respond within a minute to let her know if he was on his way, or if he couldn't make it. He was reliable.

But as the hours ticked by, she realized he wasn't coming.

 _Maybe he's not ready._

But...Paris needed them. If Marinette could muster the strength to dawn her suit, surely he could?

She paced. She tried sending him an emergency alert, but the signal bounced back, unread.

She glanced at her communicator. It was already two in the morning.

She bit her lip, glancing over the rooftops one last time, daring to hope. What she would give to sea a flicker of a tail.

She'd try again tomorrow.

* * *

OoO

* * *

A week later, a dozen voicemails, and no Chat.

Marinette chewed her lip, pacing, always pacing.

"I'm really worried, Tikki," she confessed. "What if something happened to him? What if one of his haters found him and…hurt him?"

"Marinette," Tikki soothed. "If he were in trouble, we'd know."

Marinette paused, tilting her head. "Really?"

Tikki nodded. "You're connected. If he and Plagg were in danger, I would sense it."

Marinette tapped her foot. "So…what? Is he just ignoring me?" She tugged at her pigtails in a frustrated attempt to understand this absence. Why did she have such a bad feeling in her stomach?

"Maybe he feels too guilty to meet up with you. You didn't exactly reach out."

Marinette gaped. "For good reason!"

Tikki shied away at the shrill tone. Marinette slapped her forehead.

"I'm sorry, Tikki. I'm just…"

"Concerned. I understand, Mari."

Marinette folded her arms in, trying to find warmth where there wasn't any. What if an akuma turned up, and Chat was nowhere to be found? She'd fought alone before, of course, but it was difficult and laboring. Chat was her backbone; she needed him.

"Do you think he's in hiding? Like he's afraid if he comes forward, they'll try to persecute him?" she wondered fearfully. Distrust was dangerous. If the people of Paris no longer believed in the people trying to protect them...

"It's possible. But speculating about all these scenarios isn't helping." Tikki floated up to eye level, seriousness washing over her small features. "We should see Master Fu."

* * *

OoO

* * *

He opened the door, smiling brightly.

"Ms. Dupain-Cheng! Come inside."

The smell of herbs and incense wafted through her nose as she followed the short man into the back of his shop. Wayzz floated into peripheral, nodding a greeting at her and Tikki.

"What can I do for you, Marinette?"

"Where's Chat?" she burst, and the old man's eyes widened. "He's disappeared. I can't reach him. I…I need to know if he's okay."

His face adopted something like pity. "I thought he would have told you."

She inhaled sharply. "Told me _what_?"

He touched her arm, as if to soften the blow.

"Chat Noir has turned his Kwami over to me. He is no longer a Miraculous holder."

* * *

OoO

* * *

Marinette backed away, her heart snapping into pieces.

"What?" she shook her head furiously. "How can he…why?"

Master Fu spread his hands. "He does not feel he deserves to be a hero after what transpired that day with the Césaire girl."

"That's ridiculous!" she shouted. "He's Chat Noir. There can't be another Chat. What is that kitty thinking!?"

The next time she saw him, he wouldn't know what hit him!

"We must respect his wishes, Marinette," Master Fu advised. "He thinks he has succumbed to darkness. He doesn't want to hurt anyone else. And a wielder who feels unworthy of his Miraculous cannot perform." He and Wayzz exchanged a knowing glance. "I told him to wait. To give himself time to heal. But he refused."

Marinette glanced at Tikki, a mirror of shock and hurt. Chat had given up his life. At least…half of it.

"He's my partner," she denied shakily. "He can't just abandon me."

How could he?! How could he just…vanish? No goodbye. No explanation.

Her insides coiled.

She'd never even bothered to learn anything about his personal life. She'd pushed the civilian topic away. And now she would never see him again. She'd been cut off—she'd cut herself off.

"That's actually what I hoped to discuss with you," Master Fu continued. "Ladybug is powerful, but Hawkmoth will take advantage of your situation if he realizes Chat Noir is gone."

She didn't like where this was headed. "What are you saying?"

The old man rested his hands on his knees, glancing at her hesitantly. "You need a new partner."

She gasped. That was much worse than she'd anticipated.

A partner? As in, a replacement?

"No! I can't. That wouldn't be fair to Chat."

"But Chat is gone," he said gingerly.

She refused to believe that.

"No! He'll come back to me. I know he will. He just…I need to talk to him." Her eyes watered. This was too much. She'd lost too much, too quickly. "You know his identity, don't you? Can you give me a way to contact him?"

Master Fu frowned. "I do not have the authority to disclose that kind of information. And if the boy didn't tell you himself, perhaps he does not wish to be contacted." Her face fell, and he smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, Marinette. But you have to accept that Chat Noir is no longer a part of who he is. It's simply a reminder of what he's done to his friends and to you."

She stared.

"But…"

"I will wait to give the ring to another wielder. Given time, he may come around. But for the time being, I cannot let you fight alone."

Marinette felt the tears rain over her cheeks. "I have to go," she whispered, and she fumbled out the door.

* * *

OoO

* * *

She went to visit Alya. It was a place she could vent and fabricate her friend's responses. A way she could sort through the pain.

But the sight at the crest of the hill stopped her dead in her tracks.

A figure stood before the gravestone, hands in pockets, hoodie tucked over his head. The wind kicked up leaves around his vans and tossed a few golden locks aside.

"Adrien?"

He tensed, glancing back at her warily. She approached cautiously, like he might bolt.

He didn't.

She stood beside him, watching as he stared straight in front of him. A new bouquet of flowers lay at the base of the stone. Purple Hyacinth.

"Where have you been?" she asked. The stuttering had given way to sorrow. To anger. "Nino really needs you."

"No," Adrien spoke softly. "No, he doesn't."

She narrowed her eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He shook his head and turned to leave, but she snatched his wrist.

He gazed at her fully now. Green eyes dark and wet. Hair shadowing his face. She'd never seen him look so vulnerable.

She swallowed. "Come back to us, Adrien."

He closed his eyes, and a single tear made its way down his cheek. "I can't."

Her bangs blew in wild strands around her face. The atmosphere smelled of rain, like at any moment, a downpour would flood the Seine.

He gently placed his hand over hers, prying off her fingers, guiding them away from his arm, but she clung to his hand, refusing. Her lip trembled. She couldn't lose another person. She couldn't watch another boy she loved walk right out of her life.

He stared at her, and a tide of emotions crashed against his face. Sorrow. Guilt. Empathy. A muscle rippled in his jaw, and he stepped closer, lifting her hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles, eyes boring into hers.

"I'm so… _so_ sorry, Marinette," he whispered, voice catching.

The clouds clapped with thunder, and all at once, she stopped breathing.

She knew that plea. That remorse.

She knew that voice, and those eyes.

"Goodbye."

Adrien bit his lip and released her, walking away.

Marinette stared after her partner as it began to rain. No umbrella this time.

* * *

 **So...I know I promised a Princess Bride AU, but...it wasn't angsty enough apparently. I have a little more written, so I'll try to update this semi-regularly?**

 **Thanks for reading :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Two years later.**

"No!" Ladybug face-palmed. "Shell de Fer…"

Shell bee-lined for the akuma like an idiot. She'd given him the signal for _hold back_ , not _attack_. How could he get those two essentials mixed up?

She sighed and followed after him, using the distracted akuma to claim her lucky charm and disarm the villain.

She glared at Nino as he dusted off his knees. His costume was composed of a metallic, austere green armor and a large, turtle-inspired shield. It was a heavy design, but it fit him nicely. Master Fu had chosen Nino upon Ladybug's request after a few months of helpless research. She'd looked into all of her classmates, analyzed the pros and cons of each. In the end, she'd decided Nino had needed motivation in his life. And she had needed a partner she could trust.

"That went better than expected, don't you think, Red?"

"No. I think it went terribly," she said, and his face crumbled. "Shell, we have to get this right. Hawkmoth is getting stronger. He knows we don't have it together, and he's trying to exploit that weakness."

He nodded. "Alright. I'm sorry. I'll try to do better."

"That's all I ask."

She knew she was being harsh on him, but it was only because she worried about his safety. They'd trained for months before she allowed him out on the field. And even now, she felt their teamwork was more trial and error than anything.

His watch beeped. "Sorry. I gotta run. I have an exam in fifteen minutes."

She chuckled. "Humanities?"

"Yeah."

She waved him off. "Good luck."

"I'll need it. See you later."

He somersaulted off the roof, tucking into a metal ball, like an armadillo.

She rolled her eyes.

Two years ago, another boy would have shown off his skills much the same, winking at her as he hopped off the Eifel Tower. Sending her that Cheshire grin.

She clutched her hand to her chest, as though the emptiness was a real, physical space in her heart.

She'd learned to cope with that loneliness, but the ache never subsided.

It was a constant reminder of what she'd lost, and why.

* * *

OoO

* * *

"Marinette," Professor Fontaine called after she dismissed the class. "May I have a word?"

Marinette threw her things unceremoniously into her bag and hurried down the steps of the lecture hall. "Yes, Professor?"

"Your portfolio is coming along quite nicely," the woman noted, smiling fondly at her star pupil.

Marinette had spent every hour she wasn't working at the bakery or studying for her electives, composing her designs.

"Thank you. It's…definitely a work in process."

"Yes, I've noticed that you've changed your theme almost four times now."

Marinette blushed. "I'm sorry. I just keep thinking of better ideas."

The woman chuckled. "I appreciate your hard work. As a sort of…bonus, I have a plus-one to the release of the Agreste Clothing Line, if you'd like to go with me."

"M-me?" Marinette stammered, awed. It was an event she'd always dreamed of—no, it hadn't even occurred to her as something achievable. It wasn't just Gabriel she would be in close quarters with, but all the latest artists in Paris.

"I would take my husband but he'll just embarrass me. I'd like for you to come. It would be a great networking opportunity for you."

Lillian Fontaine was a highly esteemed figure in the business, and she was asking one of her students—a freshman—to tag along in one of the most anticipated events of the year. Marinette caught herself gaping. "I…I'd love to. Thank you!"

"Don't tell the other students, okay?" Fontaine whispered. "I wouldn't want them to think I had a favorite or anything."

The accompanying wink made Marinette smile.

* * *

OoO

* * *

The show itself was magnificent. The new line—groundbreaking.

Marinette had watched the models—fierce, elegant, striking—expose the work of Paris's favorite designer. But she couldn't help feeling disappointed.

Adrien wasn't there. She'd assumed he would model for his father's company, like he used to. Perhaps he'd become so integrated in the company now that he didn't have time to model his own line.

Besides, just because it was the Agreste collection didn't mean she would run into him. He probably had better things to do than attend his own company's celebration. Right?

Wrong.

As soon as the after party began, she spotted him almost immediately.

He wore black pants and a black dress shirt pulled up at the sleeves. He'd gotten taller, and his chest and shoulders were slightly broader. Still a model's physique with a fake, photoshopped smile.

Adrien's gaze dipped, and when he looked up, he caught her unwavering gaze.

His eyes burned a thousand greens, and he faltered, hands falling to his sides in a dumbstruck fashion.

Marinette couldn't tear her eyes away. He looked so different. So hard, and sad, and lonely. His bangs were no longer swept to the side, but cut in a fashion that they draped over his eyebrows in a tangle. His lips were drawn in a tight, unsatisfied line.

The fact that she _knew_ Chat could never stop smiling only made the pain worse.

Her Chat…

"Marinette?" Professor Fontaine prodded quietly. "You look like you're about to faint. What's wrong?"

Marinette finally broke the contact, turning and weaving through the crowd. She couldn't breathe. She hadn't seen him in person for two years. Obviously, his face smiled down at her from every billboard, but it wasn't the same. That was all fake. That was all Adrien.

This was Chat.

Emotions she had cried out of her system years ago came back in one crushing wave. She'd already dealt with this pain. She shouldn't have to go through it again!

She made it to the bathroom, bending over the sinks, trying to steady her breathing.

Her first love. Her first partner. The boy she dreamed a future with. The boy who killed her friend.

The boy who left.

"Are you alright, Mari?" Tikki peeped from her hand purse.

"No…I don't think I ever was, Tikki."

She imagined what Alya would say to her to relieve the stress:

"Take it easy, girl. Your roots are turning gray."

"I would say, be a man, but men are babies. Be a _me_."

"Girl, you want a Xanax? I have a stash in my purse labeled after you."

 _Alya, I need you..._

When Marinette decided she wouldn't be able to escape through the small bathroom window, she straightened, smoothing out the creases in her dress. The piece was one of her personal favorites, but she didn't wear it well, at least not tonight. It was designed for a younger, softer, brighter Marinette.

She glanced at the door nervously.

She would find the caterer, load up on deviled eggs, and then bolt.

Yes. Solid plan.

She would probably fail her class for abandoning her professor, but it was better than facing her…Adrien.

Exhaling shakily, she opened the door to execute the operation and almost passed out.

He was waiting there, leaning up against the wall, contemplative.

She backed up, as if to hide in the bathroom once more. "Chat?" she breathed.

His face broke from the calm curiosity to outright horror. _Oh, shit._

"What did you just call me?"

She frowned at the way he looked so struck, like the name of his alter ego only brought him pain, when it brought her so many fond memories.

She could have waved it off as a simple mistake—Chat had paid her several visits back in the day. She could have been flustered—the green eyes, the blond hair, the black clothing. Perhaps she simply had too much champagne.

But she couldn't let past concerns impede her mission to get him back. It was time for him to reclaim his title.

"I _know_ ," she said quietly.

His eyes widened, pupils shrinking.

She stepped closer, but he backed away, hitting the wall. It was like he was watching the world crumble around him, Marinette at the epicenter.

"Adrien," she said sadly, reaching out.

"Adrien?" a feminine voice echoed.

At first, Marinette thought it sounded like Chloe—the same conceited tone—but then the woman appeared in an orange dress, elaborate makeup and hairstyle, and her stomach bottomed out.

"Adrien," Lila murmured again, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward her. "People are looking for you!"

He schooled his expression into that charismatic Agreste trademark. "Sorry."

She smiled sweetly at him, and Marinette couldn't believe her eyes.

Lila. The lied-straight-to-Adrien's–face Lila? The dangled-Adrien-off-the-Eifel Tower Lila?

Ex-Volpina regarded Marinette dubiously. "I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something, babe?"

Babe. They were an item. They were together.

Adrien glanced back at Marinette, his face unrecognizable. A mask.

"No," he said calmly. It was the end of their conversation. The end of Chat Noir. "Just escaping the crowd for a bit."

"Shut up. You love attention."

They wandered off, arm in arm, and Marinette slowly meandered back into the bathroom.

* * *

OoO

* * *

Marinette sat in her room, eating peanut butter by the spoonful. Her feet ached from those goddamn heels, and she sat in her slip, too lazy to shower.

She played the next video on Alya's old Ladyblog.

"Chat Noir!" the eager voice called. "Do you have time for a question?"

Young, happy Chat slid down his staff, landing in a sexy crouch. Marinette snorted. _Idiot_.

"Anything for my biggest fan."

"I'm Ladybug's biggest fan," Alya corrected. "You're okay."

He grinned. He was accustomed to her sense of humor, her blunt and sarcastic nature. Only now did Marinette understand why. "What's your question?"

"The world wants to know what your relationship is with Ladybug."

Chat arched an eyebrow, characterized by the slight distortion of his mask. "That's kind of personal, isn't it?"

"You tell me."

He shifted uncomfortably. "We're partners. Good friends. I trust her with my life."

His reserved tone was dominated by the Adrien half of him. The practiced, measured, restricted half.

"That's it?" Alya pressed, unsatisfied. "We all see the heart eyes you give her, Chat. Come on, give us the deets."

He blushed, scratching his neck. "I…I…"

"Chat!" Ladybug crashed into the scene, disrupting the interview. She turned to the camera. "Sorry, Alya. It's an emergency."

Chat shot her a thankful smile.

"The Lady calls, Paris. May we meet again."

Hand in hand, they flew off into the night, ignoring Alya's shouts of indignation. She managed to zoom in on the handholding, though, much to Marinette's amusement.

She rewound the video and paused on Chat's flustered smile.

 _That_ Chat would never have dated someone like Lila Rossi. He would never have flinched at the sound of his own name. So what was he doing? Who was he pretending to be?

More importantly, why had he followed her to the bathroom, and what was it he had been hoping to say to her?

She sighed, and Tikki nuzzled against her shoulder. "It'll be okay, Marinette."

"I miss him, Tikki," she said, dropping her chin. "I miss both of them."

* * *

OoO

* * *

"You saw him."

Ladybug gaped. "Wha—who?"

Shell rolled his eyes. "The guy you were in love with for three years, Mari. Adrien."

Man he was good. She'd tried to act perfectly normal, and he'd seen through her facade in seconds.

"Yeah, I saw him."

"And?"

"And…" she swallowed. She'd never told Nino who Adrien was. It wasn't her secret to share. It made sense to her, why Adrien had left, but to Nino, his friend had simply deleted him from his life. "And he's different. He's colder."

"Not hotter?"

She shoved him and his goofy grin away. "Maybe a little," she conceded. "But I don't like him anymore. You know that. Besides. He's dating Lila."

Shell's jaw fell open. "Shut up. _Whiskers_?"

Ladybug giggled at the Volpina-inspired nickname. "Yeah. They make quite a power couple, let me tell you."

"That's wild," Shell said under his breath. "Adrien used to hate people like her. Fake. Attention-seeking. All the things people thought he was on the surface. It's like he's become his stereotype."

Ladybug frowned at the cloudy look in her friend's eyes.

"It's too bad," she said softly. "What became of him, don't you think?"

"No," he replied. "I think he deserves it."

"Nino…"

"What?" he snapped. "He disappeared when we needed him the most. He's a shit person. And he deserves a shit life."

Ladybug said nothing. And they carried out the rest of patrol in silence.

* * *

OoO

* * *

She knew.

She knew who he was, what he'd done.

Adrien had spent years thinking about what he'd say to her if he ever saw her again. And when she'd appeared in the crowd in that magnificent dress, the youngest aspiring designer in the crowd, his heart had swelled with emotion.

First terror, because he wasn't ready to face her. Even after two years, he was still a coward.

Next, sorrow and guilt, but he always felt those needles, prickling under his skin at every moment. It wasn't surprising.

But it was when Marinette walked away that he felt a foreign warmth, like her father's croissants, and nostalgia of rainy days and video games, and...hope. Hope that he could rekindle what he'd lost.

So he'd followed her, trying to decide what it was he could say to make things better. To apologize again. To do anything to in some way salvage a piece of his old identity.

Then she'd said his name.

His other name.

And the world had stopped, and slowly, it began revolving in reverse.

He'd seen all the pain he put her through. He'd seen Alya's face, the image that haunted him every blink, every time he closed his eyes. He'd seen Nino and Ladybug and Plagg.

Adrien had killed Marinette's best friend.

And she knew it.

* * *

 **WOOHOO. Update!**

 **FYI: Fer de Shell is Iron Shell in French? Idk...I'm not great with superhero names tbh.**

 **Reviews=happy author=more content**


	3. Chapter 3

As the akuma announced its personal vendetta against pop music, Ladybug spotted the patch of blond hair in her peripheral. Among the crowd of screaming civilians, Adrien was ushering people to safety.

Her chest tightened.

 _Chat_.

Always helping. Even without the mask.

If the world knew what she knew, they would welcome Chat Noir back into their lives with open arms. Chat Noir, famous and beloved Adrien Agreste? The benevolent model?

They'd love him again.

But to Nino and the rest of Paris, Chat was merely a corrupt hero who turned his back on them. On Ladybug.

The akuma followed her line of sight and zeroed in on Adrien. In the midst of her distraction, he flung one of his record disks for Adrien's neck.

Snapping out of Wonderland, Ladybug pounced, tackling Adrien to the ground, rolling with him a good twenty feet, trying to shield his head from the concrete. In a tangle of limbs, he landed on top, pinning her to the ground. He pushed himself to his forearms, staring at her in astonishment.

"L-ladybug…?"

He was blushing, and she felt like crying. He still held that reverence for her that she didn't deserve. After all this time.

"Adrien Agreste. Long time no see."

He studied her face with such obvious yearning, like he wanted to spill all his secrets. Adrien had always acted differently around Ladybug—awkward. She'd assumed he was only star struck, when in reality, those lingering gazes had begged for her to see him. The real him.

But she hadn't seen him until it was too late.

His hair shadowed his eyes, falling in a mussy tangle like his alter ego. She could have stayed there, his body pressed to hers, his warmth seeping into her skin, for another lifetime.

But she had Parisians to save.

Gently, she pushed him away, and he scrambled off of her, the trance broken.

"Get somewhere safe, would you?" she told him, trying to ignore the flutter in her heart at the way he was looking at her, like a fictional wonder had been brought to life.

He smiled a little. "Worried about me?"

It was such a typical thing for Chat to say.

"Yes," she replied simply.

His mouth parted, but she left before things could unravel.

* * *

OoO

* * *

It was no secret that Adrien Agreste lived on the top story of his own building.

At first she'd thought it rather pretentious, but then she'd considered that the location was far from fangirls, and high above the city streets. Much like how he used to spend his nights as a superhero.

She sympathized with his coping mechanism. She couldn't imagine her life without the crisp air and the city lights. She craved patrol. She craved the chance to be a hero.

The only way to get through to him was Ladybug. When he saw Marinette, he saw his guilt, faced his shame. When he saw his partner, he saw what could have been.

Ladybug could get him to come back. She had to.

She swung down from the roof to his apartment window, hanging outside by the string of her yo-yo, unsure of herself.

Maybe this had been a bad idea. It was undeniably creepy to show up to a man's home, who had a girlfriend, who, as far as he knew, had a life that rarely collided with her own.

She should just turn back. Forgive and forget.

Then she heard something shatter, and she found Adrien gawking at her, water and glass pooling around his feet.

She gave him a small, embarrassed wave, and after a stunned silence, he opened the window for her.

She crawled inside, sliding past his body, too close. She could smell his cologne.

They stared at one another, chests nearly touching. The atmosphere was charged, coiled like a spring. Neither moved. Her eyes flickered to his, and she caught him staring at her lips.

"Uh…what…what are you doing here, Ladybug?" he finally said. He busied himself by scooping up the glass and throwing it away.

"I…need to talk to you," she said.

He beckoned for her to do just that, sitting down on his sofa, waiting. Was he as calm as he let on? Or was he hiding the tidal wave inside his ribcage, as she was?

Ladybug sat across from him, taking a deep, shuddering breath.

"You have to come back," she began softly.

His eyes flashed to hers, uncertain. "What do you—"

"I need you. Shell de Fer is great. But he's not you. I miss you. So much. And it hurts every time there's a new akuma and you're not there making puns and flirting and having my back!" she was rambling, the waterworks building behind her eyes.

He gaped at her, the truth dawning on him. "How did you—"

"I've known for years!" she said, and he blanched. His fingers dug into the couch. "I wanted to give you time to forgive yourself. But you didn't."

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, pressing his lips tight, like they might betray him.

"Chat…I need you back. So does Paris."

He worked his jaw, looking away. Why was he so stubborn? Why couldn't he just…accept it? She'd accepted it. She'd put it behind her. The only way to breathe was to cut the anchor pulling you beneath the surface.

"Say something."

He bit his lip, then snapped his head back, angry. "What do you want me to say?"

She tried to hide the wounds the words inflicted.

"Say you'll take back your Miraculous. Say you'll be Chat Noir again."

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't want to be Chat. Don't you get it, Ladybug? I'm not that guy anymore. I _grew_ _up_." She recoiled at that, and he swallowed, eyes downcast. "You've got to let me go."

After a moment of painful disbelief, she shot to her feet. "You _are_ the same guy. I saw you the other day! Somewhere in there, you're still a hero."

"I'm a murderer."

She sent him an admonishing look. "We both know that's not true."

"You don't know me!" he yelled, standing. The anger in his tone startled her. "So you figure out my identity. You suddenly think that means you know who I am? What kind of person I am? Face it. You don't know me anymore. I'm not sure you ever did."

She stepped back, shattering into pieces like the bits of remaining glass on the floor.

He was right.

She'd only known a facet of his personality back then. She'd always wanted to know more, but her feelings as Marinette and her pride as Ladybug prevented that. Now all this time had passed, and she'd assumed under all that sorrow he was still the boy she loved.

But maybe he'd died that day too.

Adrien ran a hand through his hair. "You should go. Lila's on her way."

Ladybug felt the tears bunch up in the corners of her mask. He was turning her away?

The anger and hurt accumulated. Loneliness. Confusion. Heartbreak. They all came back.

"You left without so much as a goodbye, Chat. I had to find out you'd quit through Master Fu. All I got was one fucking voicemail!" He had the decency to look ashamed. "But I waited, because I knew you were alone. And you were in pain. I waited every night for you to show up. I waited every night for two years. I _still_ wait," she choked, crying freely.

Adrien finally spared her a glance, and he deflated at the sight of her bleeding eyes. "Bug…"

"You might not believe in you anymore. But I do. I wish…I wish things could just go back to the way they were." She wiped her eyes, making for the window.

Forget it. Why had she bothered? He hadn't returned for two years. Why would he come back now? He had a good life. A rich, plentiful life, without a world to save, without responsibilities.

"Ladybug," he called after her, and she twisted to look at him as she perched on his windowsill. "Have…have you actually forgiven me?"

She dipped her head, eyes earnest and exasperated. "I never _had_ to forgive you, Chat. You were never to blame."

She missed the look of astonishment on his face as she jumped.

* * *

OoO

* * *

Adrien steadied himself.

She…she didn't hate him? Loathe his cowardice and foolishness? Even after everything he'd just said to her?

He felt himself chuckle out of sheer disbelief.

She really was miraculous.

He heard the door open and turned his back on the window. That life was over. He knew it. Ladybug knew it. And so did Paris.

But at least his Lady didn't hate him.

"Hey, babe," Lila said, setting down her things on his counter. She'd gone shopping again. With his credit card, undoubtedly.

Well, whatever kept her preoccupied.

"Hey."

"So…?" she asked, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm here. It's late. What did you have planned for us?"

The gleam in her eyes sent a shiver down his spine.

It wasn't the good kind.

How much longer could he stall? How long could he half-ass this relationship?

"Actually…I was hoping you could help me with my speech for the charity ball on Friday," he said, detaching her arms from around his neck gently.

She smiled wryly. "You're a challenge, Adrien Agreste."

She kicked off her heels and proceeded to search his cabinets for alcohol.

Adrien's eyes flickered to the window again—without permission—and he felt a warmth in his chest he hadn't felt in two years.

* * *

OoO

* * *

Clearly, he didn't miss the _life_ like she thought he might.

He was grown up, he'd said. Different.

Why couldn't she accept that?

Why, when she looked into those somber green eyes, did she see a lie?

She pulled at one of her pigtails. She'd really thought it would work. How damn stupid was she?

Hot tears rolled over her cheeks from frustration and anger, and…

And pain.

After their encounter the other day, she'd thought he would listen to Ladybug. She thought if he refused to come to _her_ , then she would finally come to him, and all would be right.

She wiped the tears away, but they were quickly replaced by reinforcements.

God dammit.

She found herself taking a familiar route, and before she knew it, she was at Nino's studio. She transformed back and knocked on his door, Tikki nuzzling her sodden cheek.

She heard arguing—Nino and Wayzz—and then the old metal door was flung open.

"Marinette? What's—are you crying?!"

She simply walked into his chest and waited for him to hold her.

He did.

* * *

OoO

* * *

She hadn't cried like that in a very long time.

Pathetic.

"What brought this on?" Nino asked, offering her a hot chocolate.

She accepted the beverage, sniffing the contents to calm her nerves. He made it just like Alya used to. Extra marshmallows. A little dash of cinnamon.

"I…paid a visit to Chat."

Nino stilled, then shot her a horrified look.

"You know his identity?"

"I've known for a while," she admitted, and he gaped at her, then schooled his expression into one of nonchalance. But she could tell he was hurt.

"You know it's not my secret to share, Nino," she chastised, and he nodded, chewing his lip.

"So what happened?"

Her hands tightened around the mug. "He…refused to come back."

"And you were surprised?"

"I was…holding out. All this time, I've had this…this fantasy that one day I would be fighting an akuma, and all of sudden he would appear on the skyline, when I needed him most. Just like that, he'd be back." More tears escaped, and she cursed, wiping them away furiously.

Wayzz transferred another marshmallow to her mug, and she grinned feebly.

"I wasn't surprised," she sighed. "Just disappointed."

"Fuck him," Nino decided. "All he's done is hurt people. He's never done anything to answer for his mistakes. And you keep on pining over him. Enough is enough, Mari."

She glanced at Tikki, who mirrored her thoughts.

Could she do it? Give up on him? Cut the bond like he'd done so long ago—no regrets, no remorse?

"Say it with me, Mari. _I don't give a single fuck about Chat Noir_."

Marinette laughed, rolling her watery eyes.

"Say it!"

She exhaled, annoyed. " _I don't give a single…fuck…about Chat Noir_."

She giggled at his proud expression. "You're not responsible for fixing him and his sad life, okay, Red? You don't owe him that. Let him go."

 _You've got to let me go_ , he'd begged.

If she couldn't restore his happiness, she could at least give him that.

"Okay," she said, sipping her cocoa thoughtfully.

"Okay?" Nino asked, wrapping his arm around her.

"Okay."

* * *

 **Yay! Thank you for all your reviews and follows!**

 **More to come :)**


	4. Chapter 4

"Marinette," Professor Fontaine said as they sat in her office. Marinette had to make up lab hours due to the extremely inconvenient akuma attacks during her last few classes. Oh the woes of a young superhero. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Marinette looked up from her sketchbook. "Sure, professor."

"What is your relationship with Adrien Agreste?"

By the alarmed look on Fontaine's face, it must have been clear Marinette was not prepared to answer such a loaded question.

She thought she'd escaped that name?

Why did Adrien and his beautiful eyes haunt her?

Taking a deep breath, Marinette closed her book.

"We were friends in high school," she put carefully.

Fontaine tilted her head. "Is that all?"

"Why…why do you ask?"

The woman smiled. "I just thought it odd that when you saw each other, you both had such…significant reactions to one another."

Marinette slumped in embarrassment. "You noticed?"

"He looked like he'd seen a ghost, and you all but bolted out of the room. Now if that wasn't strange enough, he followed after you in a mad hurry." She quirked an eyebrow. "I didn't see much of you after that."

Marinette couldn't have blushed any harder.

 _Oh. My. God._

"It's not like that!" Her hands shot to her face to mask her horror. "No. Nothing like that...We were in the same friend group as…as Alya Césaire." Her hands fell to her lap, where her nails dug crescents into her palm. "Adrien left after her death, and we haven't seen each other since. That's all."

Fontaine's expression dwindled to horror, then shame. "Marinette, I'm so sorry. That was insensitive of me to even presume—"

"No. It's alright," Marinette said quickly, realizing how morbid a turn the conversation had taken. It was so sad Alya's name carried such a terrible connotation, when once it had been a warm hand on her shoulder, a buckle of laughter in the wind. "Actually, I used to have a pretty enormous crush on him. You weren't too far off."

"Well," the professor said, clearing her throat, though smiling to herself. "There's a charity ball Friday, and he's going to be there if you two have any more catching up to do."

Marinette forced herself to rationalize.

She had sworn off Chat as someone she couldn't salvage, someone she surely couldn't become friends with again. She'd promised Nino she would forget about him altogether.

So far, she'd been doing well.

"I…probably shouldn't," she said at last.

Fontaine tried to hide her disappointment, tucking a loose strand of hair out of her eyes. "That's fine. I thought I would ask. I was hoping someone could model one of my works."

Marinette's eyes snapped wide. "You…wanted me to wear something you've designed?" she sputtered.

Was this an alternate timeline? When had her luck turned back around?

Fontaine quirked an eyebrow. "You were actually the inspiration for the piece."

"Shut. _Up_."

Marinette slapped her hand over her mouth.

"I mean—"

Fontaine's laughter echoed through the office. Her eyes crinkled. "It's okay, Marinette. I understand. It's too bad, but you're a busy girl, and honestly, if I keep this up, the staff is bound to notice my favoritism."

Marinette pooched her lips, unable to suppress it.

"Can...can I see it?" she burst.

Having expected Marinette to cave, Fontaine rummaged through a stack of papers and passed the portfolio over the table.

Marinette's smile disappeared.

"S-spots?"

Something cold pestered in Marinette's stomach, but if faded at the bright light in her teacher's eyes.

She couldn't know. That was impossible.

It was just a coincidence.

"Spots," she confirmed. "You have this…bubbly aura, Mari. I had to capture it. And I would be honored if you would wear it. Someone my age can't pull it off. And it's not like I can hire models to walk the line for me…"

Marinette grinned. "I would love to, professor."

Fontaine beamed. "It's Lilian to you, Marinette. Just Lilian."

* * *

OoO

* * *

Adrien didn't know what was wrong with his brain.

Of all the beautiful, wealthy, admirable people in the crowd, his eyes flew to Marinette's figure, almost immediately. And worst of all, they wouldn't leave her.

Yeah, sure, she looked amazing in that gold-speckled dress with her hair up. Yeah, she was a familiar face in a crowd of mere acquaintances. But that gave him no right to follow her with his eyes, for his feet to shuffle toward her, like gravity was pulling him near her, like the tide was pulling him out to sea.

She knew who he was, what he'd done.

Why did she come here, knowing he'd attend?

If he were her, he'd get as far away from Paris as possible—move to the Netherlands—to avoid seeing his face on every billboard and magazine.

 _Maybe she doesn't actually hate you,_ that irrational side of his brain put forth. _Maybe, like Ladybug, she is_ _merely_ angry _at you for leaving her to wallow alone._

But that was crazy.

Ladybug was different. She was his partner. She wasn't personally affected by his crime. She was all-forgiving. She had to be. It's what separated her from a vigilante.

Marinette...she was forgiving too. And kind, and sweet, and brave.

But who could forgive the man who stole from her, a happy life?

* * *

OoO

* * *

Marinette was busy dissecting the snack table—where else would she be, honestly?—when she heard the voice, clear and crisp behind her.

"I really don't have much more to say on the matter, thank you."

Adrien.

Oh no. Oh no.

OH NO.

Marinette kept her back to the voice, staring at the hors d'oeuvres in wild panic.

"Then what of the future of this company, monsieur?"

"I believe that is a question better suited for my father. If you'll just excuse me..."

Ugh. He sounded so mechanical. So rehearsed.

Where was Chat's dorky charisma?

Marinette was just about to make a run for it when the sound of a thousand euro coins crashed against the floor behind her.

The hell? Had someone just murdered a piggy bank?

Marinette jerked around, hand instinctively closing around one of her earrings.

"All these snobs. All these privileged Parisians," a man seethed from the center of the ballroom. Marinette never thought she'd be happy to see an akuma. "What do you know of charity? What do you know of the needs of those who wallow below you?"

Marinette began creeping around the side of the table.

Slowly…slowly…

"People like us can never bridge the wage gap, and yet here you are, basking in luxury…for _charity_."

The man scoffed, pointing his diamond-emblazoned cane to the crowd.

"Why don't you help the city by donating your _lives_?"

He flicked the cane, and the front row of onlookers burst into piles of money.

Marinette tore for the cover of the kitchen, but a warm, calloused hand snagged her wrist, locking her in place.

Adrien's wide, haunted eyes kept her from wrenching away.

"Adrien—"

"Come on."

He yanked her toward the back of the great hall.

She needed to transform. Where was he taking her?! "Wait, I have to—"

He didn't listen. He pulled her through the river of people and unfortunate mounds of coins. They cut a sharp left for the exit, and Adrien ushered them through and slammed the door.

They were not outside. They were in a storage closet.

Marinette was stuck in fucking a closet with the retired Chat Noir.

Nino would never believe this.

She stared at Adrien, then at his hand, still taught around her forearm.

He followed her gaze and released her, stepping back quickly, bumping into the mop.

He looked terrified.

Because he _was_ , she realized, softening. He thought she hated him. And maybe she should. But she didn't. She probably _couldn't_.

"Adrien…" she began.

"Sorry," he said thickly. "I didn't mean to drag you in here against your will. I just panicked." His green eyes flitted away. "I couldn't see you get hurt." _Or worse_ , was left unsaid.

She folded out the creases in her dress, smiling sadly. "I know."

He dared to look at her again, and his mouth parted at her sad, misty eyes.

Could he see Ladybug's desperation? Could he see that she missed him?

Because no matter what she told herself, she did.

She missed Adrien's rare little smiles. She missed Chat's cheeky grin. She missed Adrien's ability to see the good in everyone, and Chat's attempt to save as many lives as he could.

And in that moment, he almost seemed to understand.

Something jingled in her hand purse, like an alarm for her to come crashing back to reality.

Tikki.

 _Right_.

"Adrien, I have to get out of here."

He shook his head. "We should wait until Ladybug shows."

Marinette refrained from rolling her eyes. She could hear the screams of civilians outside. Wails of terror. The sound of money bouncing off tile.

Gazing up at Adrien's shadowed face, she wondered how he could just tune out the cries of his people. How could he ignore those who needed him? Parisians? Ladybug? Nino?

He wore a blindfold, but he wasn't deaf to the terror. He could hear her calling for him—and he shut her out.

Anger bubbled in her throat, fused with impatience and frustration. "I can't. I'm sorry, Adrien. You need to let me out."

He moved to the left, blocking her exit. "No. It's dangerous. If something happened—"

"I'll be fine!"

"Mari, you could get hurt—"

Something in her snapped. "Since when do you care?"

She didn't mean to say that, to say anything of the sort—but the reaction was instantaneous, and irrevocable. His face broke, and he stared at her in guilty horror.

She breathed shakily, heart pounding as she watched his hope deteriorate.

"I…just…" He didn't finish. Instead he closed his eyes and moved out of her way.

Berating the side of her that wished to fix this, she shoved past him and out the door.

* * *

OoO

* * *

Shell de Fer was already at the scene, repelling the bursts of monetary energy with his shield. He spotted her running toward him in his peripheral.

"Ladybug!" he sighed, relief washing over him. "It's the cane!"

After everything, a part of her still yearned for Chat's presence, for a shitty pun about inflation or Euros. She wanted to laugh with him. She wanted to scold him for flirting. She wanted to bump his fist one last time and _cherish_ it.

 _No. Stop it. Stop thinking of him._

She had Nino now. She loved Nino like a brother. She wouldn't trade him for anything.

She wouldn't.

"Got it."

On the count, Shell took off, barreling straight for the akuma victim, impervious to the forces against his shield. The Patron's face transformed into sheer terror, and then he was flying backwards, catapulted by Shell's strength.

Ladybug used his state of disorientation as an advantage, and tossed her yo-yo to snatch the weapon out of his hand. And when she restored the currency back to the elite of Paris, Lila came with it.

The woman pooched her lips, looking rather miffed at having been a victim to the man's assault. Her eyes found Ladybug, and they narrowed with hatred and disdain.

 _Wow_.

 _Someone_ could sure hold a grudge.

Adrien appeared from the rear of the room, sweeping past Ladybug as though she didn't exist. He darted for Lila, helping her to her feet, holding her steady as the cameras flashed and the crowd reconvened.

Ladybug looked away.

 _I don't give a single fuck about Chat Noir,_ she told herself _._

But the lie tasted bitter on her tongue.

* * *

 **Sorry it's kind of short! I've been having the worst case of writer's block. I'm writing like four other stories, + a Marichat fic, and I'm wearing myself a little thin.**


	5. Chapter 5

"How was the meeting?"

Adrien sighed. "Splendid."

Gabriel spared his son a glance. "Is something wrong, Adrien?"

The twenty-year-old shook his head, though he was surprised his father even noticed. Then again, ever since Adrien had abandoned his life as Chat Noir and committed himself to the modeling agency, his father had softened around the corners.

He valued his control over his son if nothing else.

"You've been rather anxious," Gabriel continued. "These past few weeks. Are you and Miss Rossi having problems?"

Adrien rolled his eyes. That entire relationship was a problem.

"No. I just…" he trailed off, and Gabriel put his pen down, offering his son his full attention. This was weird. They didn't share personal information. They didn't…talk.

Did they?

"Do you remember Marinette Dupain-Cheng?" he began.

Gabriel studied his son carefully. Probably reading too much into it. "The aspiring fashion designer. I remember."

"I…well, I spoke to her the other night and…I just started thinking…"

What was he doing? He couldn't tell his father the truth. He couldn't tell his father he'd killed Alya, and he'd been suffering ever since. Or that he'd spent his entire high school career fighting akumas and playing hero, and those buried parts of him were resurfacing.

He _could_ tell him he was depressed, but he already knew that. So did the five different therapists he'd seen over the years.

"Adrien, whatever feeling this girl has aroused, you need to forget it," Gabriel said.

Adrien sighed quietly, suspecting his father would jump to conclusions.

"It's not like that."

"I don't care what it's like. She's of no concern to you or this company. Is that clear?" The dark tone in his father's voice startled him. "Your life is good, Adrien. You're doing well. You have a career. Don't let your past impede your future."

Adrien swallowed, but nodded dutifully.

As he left his father's office, he glanced back at the somber man. Gabriel was staring out at Paris, a silhouette against the floor-to-ceiling windows of the skyscraper, clenching his fists. Adrien turned away, trying to ignore the chill that ran the length of his spine.

* * *

OoO

* * *

Adrien had known, deep down, that Marinette hated him. It's why he wasn't surprised when she couldn't bear to be stuck in such close quarters with him—especially after he'd blatantly ignored her the night of the fashion line. It made sense that she'd loathe him and what he'd done.

But he never suspected that she assumed he didn't _care_ about her, that he was indifferent whether or not she was hurt.

He may be cold, but he wasn't heartless.

Chat…had never been heartless.

And Marinette had been one of his first friends he'd ever made. He treasured her.

Didn't she know that?

He rubbed his neck, exhausted from the emotional hurricane over these last few days.

The Gabriel part of him knew he should just let it go. He had thrown her out of his memory before this mess, after all. Who's to say he couldn't do it again?

And why did Marinette's opinion of him matter, anyway? She was just a high school friend. He was unlikely to ever see her again.

Which was good. Right?

So why did that possibility make his stomach bottom out? Why did it make his heart coil around her name, unwilling to let it go?

 _Don't let your past impede your future,_ his father said.

And he was right. Mari was part of his past life. He'd abandoned that path long ago, and everyone on it.

 _Uh-huh sure_ , he could hear Alya say ironically, _you're the king of letting things go._

He collapsed into his office chair, spinning in morbid circles.

Maybe he'd always sought a kind of approval from Marinette. He'd always seen her as a moral compass of sorts. Chastising Chloe. Defending the akuma victims. She was a good person, and ever since she'd wrongly accused him of sticking gum on her seat, he'd wanted her to recognize him as a friend.

As someone good.

So he just needed to end things once and for all. Confess to Marinette properly, like he should have that day in the cemetery. Achieve whatever kind of pardon or form of validation he was seeking. Then let that piece of him still clinging to hope, the part of him refusing to move on, sink and drown with the rest of Chat Noir.

* * *

OoO

* * *

"Marinette."

Great. Now she was hearing him in her head, too.

She was _done_ for.

She continued to bag the croissants as if she weren't clinically insane.

She didn't have to time to ponder the wrecking ball of emotion and guilt inside. She was too busy for that.

On holidays she always came home to help with the bakery. It was the least she could do for her parents, who had to put up with so many of her B.S. excuses and lies over the years.

A customer cleared his throat, and she started, unaware someone had actually been waiting.

She turned, and she sucked in the air around her, suddenly frigid despite the warmth of the shop.

"A-Adrien?"

"Hey," he said, cautiously, as if she might explode in a plume of flour.

They stared at one another, speechless, unprepared.

"Did you just say _Adrien_?" her mother called from the back, and Marinette was dying.

"Yes, maman," she sighed, gesturing to the man in the suit. The asshole completely out of place.

Sabine clasped her hands together, smiling. "Adrien! It's been so long. Look at how handsome you've become. Tom! Come look."

Marinette face-palmed, then realized she'd just imprinted her forehead with white flour.

"It's good to see you," Adrien said politely, though she thought she hear the amused smile on his lips as she discreetly brushed off her face.

 _Bastard_.

Her father joined them, reaching over the counter and giving Adrien a gruff handshake. Why were they being so cordial? Didn't they realize the turmoil he'd caused her? Didn't they question why she'd torn down all his posters and photographs?

"It's almost closing. Would you like to stay for dinner, Adrien?"

"What?" Marinette squeaked loudly, emerging from her depressed spiral. "No!"

All three of them looked at her—confusion and admonishment—and she blanched, backtracking.

"I mean…of course, if you want to, Adrien. But I have a feeling you're just here for something…quick?" she wasn't sure if he could read her desperation, but he nodded graciously.

"I actually have a prior engagement to attend to. I just wanted to speak to Marinette for a moment."

Sabine pouted in that motherly fashion. "Oh, alright. But you'll need a bag of your favorite treats for the road."

That made Adrien smile for real, wide and unreserved, and Marinette berated her heart for rejoicing.

* * *

OoO

* * *

They sat down at the park, munching quietly on the desserts.

Marinette thought back to her conversation with Tikki last week.

 _She'd just gotten back from the charity ball, slinking out of Lillian's beautiful dress. "Why do I always run into him? Why do we always have such awkward encounters that should never have happened in the first place?"_

 _"Marinette…you did 'run into him' in the two places he was most likely to be. Are you sure you didn't actually agree to go to those events because you secretly wanted to see him again?"_

 _Marinette made a face._ _"Gross. No. Both times were out of a debt to Lillian. That's all!"_

 _Tikki wasn't buying it, and to be honest, neither was Marinette. "You can't put a person back together if you aren't even whole yourself," she said. "I think Nino is right. It's not up to you to fix Chat Noir. He has to realize his potential on his own. He has to want to be a Miraculous Holder. You know that from experience"_

 _Marinette sighed, collapsing onto her mattress._

 _"It's hard to just wait for him to come around,," she said. "I know he's healing, super slowly. I just want him back. And at the same time, I don't. It's confusing."_

 _"Give him time, Marinette. If it's meant to be, Adrien will return to you."_

And return he did.

"Adrien, seriously, what do you want?" she said, when he made no move to speak. Tikki pinched her side for being so blunt, but she didn't care. Every time she wanted him out of her life, he came popping back, like a creepy jack-in-the-box.

He leaned back on the bench, shutting his eyes.

"Forgiveness."

Slowly, her eyes trailed to his. He wasn't talking about locking her in a closet.

"This…this is about Alya?"

He nodded. "I screwed up, Marinette. I made a mistake, and the world lost someone precious...when it should have lost me instead."

On impulse, she smacked the cookie right out of his hand.

He gaped at her.

"Don't you dare say that, Chat," she whispered harshly. "Never, ever would I have wished something like that!"

He frowned, mourning the loss of his cookie. "How could you not? She was amazing. She wanted to make the world a better place. I'm just…I'm a CEO."

"Well that's your own damned fault, isn't it?" she hissed. His eyes widened, and she reflected over her statement nervously. Was she supposed to know that he surrendered his kwami over to Master Fu? That he gave up his chance to be a hero?

No. No, definitely not.

 _Shit._

But his mind was reeling on. "Is that…why you hate me?" he wondered, breathless. "Because I quit being Chat Noir?"

She folded her arms. Why did she have to have this conversation with him, twice now? Wasn't it obvious? When did he ever get the indication that she hated him?

That day at the graveyard, she'd _begged_ him to stay. His _mind_ was the cruel one.

"First of all, I don't hate you. Second, I never blamed you for Alya's death. Not once. I would have defended you, if you'd come back. I would have prevented you from ever thinking you weren't worthy of forgiveness." Her nails pinched her skin, and she forced the wobble out of her voice. "But you didn't come back. You disappeared, Adrien. That's what hurt the most."

She finally glanced back at him, and his eyes were wide and hollow.

"I didn't…know you cared about me that much."

Her eyes flitted away. "I did…" Her shoulders slumped, and she resigned to her heart. "I _do_."

She didn't think she'd ever seen him look so astonished.

She steeled her voice and shot to her feet. "If you want my forgiveness, then be a hero again. Go back to Ladybug. Help her bring Hawk Moth to justice."

She tucked her chin into her scarf and walked away, ignoring the way his eyes burned holes in her shoulder blades.

* * *

OoO

* * *

Ladybug had the feeling she was being followed.

Every corner, a flash of a shadow stepping back into darkness. Every alley, the pattering of footsteps among raindrops.

Maybe it was just her nerves, but she had a hunch someone was out there. And her hunches were notorious for their accuracy.

 _Don't get antsy_ , she told herself. _You've patrolled Paris alone for years. You've got this._

It wasn't until she was actually fighting a group of drug dealers that the figure emerged.

She paused for a moment to take him in.

He sported all black. There was a hood draped over his head, black paint around his eyes. He was slim, but muscular. Light on his feet.

He took down a ring of criminals in two consecutive moves. His flexibility, his strength, his fighting style…

Unparalleled.

"Chat?" she breathed.

A man came up from behind her, but she quickly elbowed him in the gut and knocked her fist into his forehead without removing her eyes from her partner.

She watched him fight, slower than he would have in the suit, but surprisingly agile for being so rusty.

As the figure dropped the last criminal unconscious, she stomped over to him, hands on her hips, chest swelling with rage and…incredulity.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Just…helping," he grunted, posing like she should be impressed.

"I know it's you, asshole," she said, and he tensed, trying to play innocent bystander. How stupid did he think she was? He was dressed in _black_!

She stepped forward, but he stepped back, staggering slightly. She didn't miss the wince on his shadowed face.

She pinched her nose. "Are you serious, Chat? Where did he get you?"

After a moment of internal discourse he relented. "Ribs," he admitted, gloved hand brushing his side and coming back bloody.

The black paint ran over his cheek bones from the rain, and she could see Adrien bleed through the disguise.

It was really him...

Sighing, she came forward and draped his arm over her shoulder, taking his weight. She glanced at the hand hanging limp near her collarbone, and she stilled.

Around his wrist was a familiar charm—a bracelet.

 _For luck._

She glanced at his profile—the sodden hair beneath the hood, the paint dripping over his nose—and she couldn't help but smile.

* * *

OoO

* * *

"What were you thinking?" she scolded, finishing the stitches along his ribcage.

He refused to look at her, embarrassed. "I…wanted to help."

"As a civilian? Without armor? Without your suit?" She flicked him in the forehead, just to further convey her dismay. He could have gotten killed!

He scowled. "I don't need to be Chat Noir to be a hero."

"If you plan on surviving the night, you do."

She tried to tear her eyes away from the expanse of his chest. Unsurprisingly, he was still in great shape.

 _Models_.

"I'm not Chat Noir, Ladybug. I can't be him, ever again."

She pulled his shirt back down over the wound, glaring at him. "You used to love being Chat. He was your outlet, wasn't he? He gave you freedom to be yourself. How can you let that go?"

He gave her a look, and she sighed.

Alya.

It always came back to Alya.

"I don't deserve to wear that mask again. Chat is tainted by my mistakes. His hands are stained."

"Then it's up to you to clear his name. Show Parisians you're still with them."

He said nothing, looking away, unwilling.

The silence fueled her exasperation. "What is it going to take for you to forgive yourself, Adrien?" she demanded. She'd accepted him back as Ladybug. She'd resolved their issues as Marinette. What was left? What could possibly convince him to return?

She stood, yanking at her pigtails.

What else could she do? He was so determined to hate his other half! The half of him she loved the most.

She stared at herself in the windowpane, the water drizzling over her reflection. Her image washed away with the intensity of the storm, and her mouth formed a line.

 _You can't put a person back together if you aren't even whole yourself._

"Tikki…" she murmured, "Spots off."

* * *

 **#letadrieneat2k16**


	6. Chapter 6

For a moment, she wondered if the world had frozen over. If an akuma had stopped time, stopped Adrien from breathing. He simply gazed at her, uncomprehending. A glitch.

Had she broken him?

Maybe it wasn't the best idea to roundhouse kick such a fragile paradigm.

"Marinette," he uttered at last. Shell-shocked. Overwhelmed. He glanced at Tikki, who hovered nervously beside her.

Then his face degraded into overwhelming grief.

"No, stop, Adrien…" she pleaded, but he'd already fallen into that dark place she'd tried so hard to pull him from.

"I did this to you. Your best friend…" he covered his mouth with his hand. Then his face.

Cautiously, she knelt across from him, clutching his knee.

"And I forgive you, Chat," she stressed. "Do you hear me? You're _forgiven_."

He wouldn't look at her. The guilt had consumed him all over again.

But perhaps to grow, he had to be stripped of everything. To mend, he had to break completely, not just continue to fill the cracks with temporary relief.

"Alya was my best friend," she acknowledged, "But you were too." She reached out and drew his hands away from his eyes, forcing him to look at her. "Chat—you meant everything to me. I lost the two most important people in my life that day. Give me one of them back."

Green eyes swam in pain.

"How can you still…look at me?" he asked, awed. "I thought before that I'd just…disappointed you. Betrayed your trust. But I hurt you in so many ways, as Ladybug _and_ Marinette. I don't deserve your forgiveness."

She thought her heart might snap in two.

Her poor, poor Adrien.

"That's not true," she insisted, shifting closer. "Besides, it's not about what you deserve. It's about what's right. What we both need. And we've suffered enough, haven't we?"

A small smile gave her hope. It gave her the courage to slide up onto the bed with him and gently pull him against her chest.

Tentatively, he reached around her, burying his head in her shoulder. Rigid barriers gave way to need, and he melted against her touch. A small, muted breath escaped him.

She closed her eyes, a watery smile forming its way onto her face.

 _Finally_.

* * *

OoO

* * *

They held each other for countless heartbeats, her fingers threading through his hair soothingly. She'd wanted this reunion more than she'd ever admit. To hold him and remember he was tangible. Somewhere along the way, the intimidating bits of Adrien had been surpassed by the annoying—albeit, endearing—charms of Chat Noir, and the two identities she'd kept so stringently separate had molded into one.

Now he was just…Chat. Just Adrien.

A boy who had suffered alone and stifled the purest smile to grace Paris.

After some time, he released her, slumping back against the cushions, cried out.

She settled beside him, refusing to lose that contact she'd yearned for so long, afraid of what might happen if she did.

Adrien's eyes were closed, as if her were taming the tears, drawing them back in.

But this had been good for him. It was long overdue. He'd never confided in anyone about what he'd done. He'd kept it all bottled up inside under a plastic smile.

That was a dangerous way to live.

"I never said goodbye to Plagg," he admitted.

Marinette shared a look with Tikki. "Adrien, how could you…?"

He winced. "I know. But it was too hard. I'd really grown to love him. I couldn't tell him I didn't want him anymore. So I just took the ring off. I just…I just threw him away," he crushed his eyes tight. "Just like I did to you. Because I was afraid."

How heavy was the guilt he carried? Why had she let him carry it alone?

"I knew I couldn't go to school and face you and Nino. Not after what I'd done. I'd be reminded of the blood on my hands every day. I had to escape it."

"You asked your father to pull you out…" she realized. It hadn't been Gabriel after all.

He nodded, ashamed.

"And I knew Ladybug would never accept me. I didn't want to taint what we'd had. So I just…I left before you could hate me. And I pretended none of it ever happened."

"But it didn't work."

His shoulders sagged. "No. If anything, the silence, the empty spaces, it made things worse. My father didn't ask me about it. It was like he already knew. I just asked him to fill my schedule so I'd be distracted. Then I traveled to a few different countries to study abroad. I started working full time when I turned nineteen. Life became modeling, and I became _him_. My father. The last person I ever wanted to be."

"You're not Gabriel," Marinette argued.

"I'm not a carbon copy. But we're so much alike now, I might as well be. I hate it."

"Adrien," she sighed, "you had to deal with that all by yourself. You shouldn't have, but you did, and for all that you endured, you turned out pretty normal."

He chuckled mirthlessly.

"But you can't keep hating yourself for a mistake you made in the past. I was there too, remember? If I hadn't gotten myself into that situation…you wouldn't have tried to save me. We're both at fault."

He shook his head. "That's not true."

"It is. We share this burden, and it was unfair of me to let you bear it for so long."

Perhaps it had been a defense mechanism, faulting Chat Noir, even if she'd seen the entire ordeal as an accident. She could displace any guilt she had toward his error, not her own. She could move on without harboring that remorse. But in reality, Alya wouldn't have been there in the first place if she hadn't stanned Ladybug, who had done nothing to mitigate Alya's enthusiasm. Who had watched, horrorstruck, as her friend perished.

Marinette, fighting the tide of grief, took Adrien's hand, and his fingers linked between hers instinctively. They looked down at the junction in surprise, like their own bodies had betrayed them. But they didn't let go, and Adrien's thumb brushed over her knuckles mindlessly.

His palm was warm and dry, calloused from fencing and years of fighting with his staff. She'd never held his hand before, and yet it felt entirely ordinary, synchronized through practice that never occurred. At least, not in this lifetime.

"I loved you, you know," he whispered.

Out of the fucking blue.

She inhaled shakily, pretty sure she was going deaf because she could not have heard him right. "W-what do you mean?"

Adrien shook his head helplessly. "I was in love with you. The flirting…it wasn't just flirting. I loved you more than anything. And letting you go…that was maybe the hardest part of all."

She felt tears prickle her eyes, instant pain enter her chest.

She'd never suspected Chat had actually…that his feelings were genuine…But for those three years, he'd loved her? And she'd loved his shadow?

They'd passed so closely to each other's hearts.

"Did you _have_ to let me go?" she asked, only half-joking.

He smiled ruefully. "I couldn't drag you into my mess. Which, it looks like I did, ultimately."

She wanted to say that she'd loved him too—that to be perfectly honest with herself, she still did—but now was not the time.

He had Lila in his life now.

Grudgingly, she retracted her hand. It felt dead without his touch.

"Please think about it," she told him. "About suiting up. Coming back. I really need you."

He studied her, drained from the emotional and physical strain this evening, but somehow…different. Or rather—familiar.

"I will," he promised. And they were the greatest two words she'd ever heard.

She rolled off his mattress, making her way to the bedroom door. She shouldn't stay any longer, or she'd start saying things she shouldn't, begin revealing too much, too soon.

 _Hit and run_ , Alya always advised. _Make them chase you._

But her lips were too slippery, it appeared.

"Chat?"

"My Lady?"

She blushed at the old nickname and the warmth that spread through her chest. "Whatever you decide…just, don't disappear again. Don't do that to me. I couldn't bear it."

He stilled, from the jab of pain in his side or the shock of her statement, she didn't know.

"I won't," he said. Then a cheeky, impish smile. "I…purromise."

She barked out a laugh, glad to see he was slipping back into old habits.

* * *

OoO

* * *

"You seem to be in a good mood, Mari," Lillian noted. "Are your designs coming along nicely?"

"Mmmhmm," Marinette murmured, marking up the last few questions on the test.

She'd become Fontaine's TA over the course of the semester. Technically it went against school policy, but Fontaine had insisted, arguing that Marinette already spent her evenings at office hours anyway.

Marinette had never anticipated becoming friends with a professor. And yet, here she was, eating a package of Oreos with her instructor to spare her the guilt of consuming them all alone.

"You saw Adrien again," Lillian decided, and Marinette choked on her cookie.

Lillian smiled evilly.

"I knew it. You're so easy to read, Mari."

Marinette chugged some water to recover from the comment. How did Lillian and Nino always know when she'd seen Chat? They were mind readers!

Or...she really was just an open book.

"Yes, I spoke to Adrien. We…talked some things over."

"What kind of things?" Lillian pressed, smiling even wider.

Marinette laughed. "Well, I think it's safe to say we're friends again."

Lillian pouted. "That's all?"

"It's a big step!" Marinette defended. "We went from strangers to best friends to strangers to friends! That's progress!"

"That's a cycle," Lillian corrected. "But I'm glad things are going well. You and Chat need one another."

Marinette nodded in agreement, but then she reflected on her professor's statement, staring at her Oreo in muted terror.

What…

Did she just say….?

Her gaze lifted, and she watched her professor with wide eyes. Lillian was back to grading quizzes, seemingly unaware of her blunder.

"Did you just say _Chat_?" Marinette whispered hoarsely, trying to play it cool. Failing.

Fontaine's eyes froze at the edge of the exam, as she recalled her last sentence.

Marinette stared.

This wasn't happening.

This wasn't happening!

"Did I?" Lillian smiled, her eyes light, but uneasy. "That's funny…"

Marinette saw straight through the lie.

"You know," she breathed, sliding back in her chair.

Lillian's smile faded, and she swallowed. "Your identities? Yes. I do."

Marinette sprung from her seat.

"Mari, please," Lillian begged, trying to explain before Marinette bolted. "You can trust me. I won't say anything! I haven't for all this time!"

" _All this time_?" Marinette repeated, unraveling. "How long have you known?"

"Please just sit down. Let's talk this over."

Marinette shook her head, backing away towards the exit.

Her identity had been uncovered by her professor, by a person with limitless connections.

It explained the special treatment, the dress. The false praise. The false friendship. It explained everything.

"I've got to go," she managed, feeling her chest implode as she barged through the door, trying to forget the horrible sadness on Lillian's face.

* * *

OoO

* * *

"Tikki, what do I do?!"

The kwami tried to calm her down, but to no avail.

"Marinette, relax. I don't understand why you're so upset? So someone has discovered your identity. At least it's someone kind and trustworthy!"

"It's my _professor_ , Tikki," Marinette complained. "That means all my grades have been biased. For all I know, I could be a totally shitty designer with no potential, wasting my money on a fancy fashion school…"

"We both know that's not true."

Marinette sighed, collapsing on her mattress. "I wanted college to be a fresh start. I wanted me, Marinette, to finally be something. Not just…Ladybug."

Tikki nuzzled Mari's face, resting her small forehead against her holder's.

"There is no Ladybug without Marinette. How many times do I have to tell you?" the small creature chided.

Marinette smiled grudgingly. "At least once more."

They grinned at one another, and Marinette had never been more grateful for the little bundle of spots in her life.

Then her door slammed open, and Marinette launched her small friend into a pile of stuffed animals, hoping she had the skill to play inanimate.

Her housemate, Lola, stood there in the doorway, panting.

"Are you…okay?" Marinette asked fearfully.

She hadn't gotten to know any of her three housemates very well this year, always in class or fighting crime. Her hero life left little room for social life…even within her own townhouse.

But she knew that Lola was sweet and polite, and definitely never came barging into her room unannounced.

Was the kitchen on fire? Was Barbara akumatized?

"Not…okay," Lola wheezed. "He's here. Downstairs. In our house. In real life. Asking for _you_."

She chuckled nervously. "Who is?"

"Adrien Agreste."

* * *

OoO

* * *

Marinette sprung from her bed, slapping her hands to her face.

"He's here?" she gasped.

Lola nodded, incredulous.

"For _you_!" she emphasized. " _'Is Marinette here_?' he asked! Why didn't you tell us you were fucking a supermodel!"

Marinette laughed, flushing gradients unknown to man. "We aren't like that! He's probably having another emotional crisis…" she shook her head, letting the nerves fall away. This was Chat. This was her friend, Adrien.

So why did she get a thrill up her spine at the idea of him seeking her out?

How long had it been since her heart had raced like that?

She walked gracefully down the stairs, the other housemates on her tail, whispering excitedly. It made her cringe how similar their praise and fantasizing was to her own back in high school. Of course, she'd fallen in love with the person, Adrien, not the celebrity…but still.

Had she really sounded so shallow?

As she rounded the corner of the stairwell, she saw him there, hands in his pockets.

It was surreal, and yet…perfect. Just the way it should be.

Him. Her. Friends. Existent in one another's life again.

"You should add 'stalker tendencies' to your resume, Adrien," she teased, and her friends gaped at her like, _you do realize this is Adrien Agreste, fashion allstar, hottest male celebrity to grace Paris?_ She shooed them away.

Adrien merely smiled. "I'm just being resourceful, Princess."

She rolled her eyes, but neither of them could stop smiling.

For once, there were no masks in the way. She knew him. All of him. They were closer than ever, and she felt so…happy. Giddy to share a secret with him.

"Adrien," she said, nodding to the squirrely women beside her. "These are my housemates. Lola, Barb, and Grace."

"Nice to meet you," he said, bowing his head, and their knees practically buckled.

Marinette pitied them.

"What's brought you by, stalker?" she asked curiously, stepping closer, her hands behind her back.

"I was hoping we could make an errand."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I need to…pick up my cat."

She narrowed her eyes. "Your _cat_?"

Was he drunk?

"Yeah…my cat. A few years back I was in a bad place in my life, and I couldn't take care of him properly, so I gave him to a friend…" he said slowly, choosing his words carefully. "But now…now I want to get him back."

Marinette's mouth parted with understanding.

"Really?" she asked, taking his hands in hers, her heart going nuts at the prospect of Chat's return.

Adrien nodded, squeezing back. "I want you to go with me. I'm a little worried he'll be…mad at me for abandoning him."

Marinette's eyes watered, and she laughed. "I'll get my purse."

Adrien grinned, and she hurried past her dumbstruck housemates, flying.

* * *

OoO

* * *

"He'll hate me."

"No he won't."

Adrien looked away. "He will. I basically tricked him into eating cheese and locked him in prison for two years."

Marinette winced. "Okay. Yeah. He might be a little upset."

Adrien huffed, gaze flickering to Master Fu and then back to the small case in his hand. His old life was in that case. Old memories. The old Adrien.

It was like opening Pandora's box—releasing the burdens and troubles of Chat Noir. But the freedom and friendship that came with it as well. Why was there a price for happiness?

"Trust in yourself," Master Fu advised. "The pull to heroism goes both ways."

Swallowing, Adrien removed the ring from inside the case and slid it over his finger.

On cue, the black splotch of fur sprung to life, turning, green eyes falling on the person who abandoned him.

They stared at one another for a long, suspended moment. Silent under the weight of the past two years.

There was so much guilt. So much pain and sorrow and confusion.

Then Plagg hurdled for Adrien at full speed.

Adrien braced himself for the wrath—he deserved it. Marinette hid her face in her hands.

But instead of ramming into him and out the other side, the kwami nuzzled into his chest, purring elatedly.

Adrien, recovering from shock, clasped his hands around the creature, holding him tight. "I'm sorry, Plagg. I'm so _sorry_." His voice broke on the last word, and he had to force himself to hold it together.

"I know."

His chest felt lighter than it had in years. Adrien felt like he could fly. "I…can you ever forgive me?"

The kwami glared up at him, but the look was half-hearted. Relieved. So fucking familiar and mischievous that Adrien couldn't bear it. "That depends. How much cheese do you have on your person at this moment?"

Adrien laughed for the first time since he could remember.

* * *

OoO

* * *

"Ready?" she prompted, guiding him to the center of her room.

Adrien made face. "Not really."

She grabbed him by the shoulders, steadying her gaze—just the way he had so many years ago.

"Yes you are. You can do this, Adrien."

His pupils expanded slightly, and his lips parted, like he still couldn't get over the fact she was Ladybug. That she was here for him once more.

"Okay," he managed, stepping back, eyeing his impatient kwami. He cleared his throat. "…Claws out, Plagg."

The burst of green energy illuminated the room, and she squinted against the brightness, against the outline of a figure she'd memorized by heart. As the light faded, she stepped back, gripping her dresser for support.

"Wow…" he muttered, stretching his gloved hands. "I forgot how good it feels…"

Marinette stared. He was here. He was back.

The little bell on his jugular. The wild, homeless-man hair. The _smile_.

He caught her staring and wiggled his eyebrows. "Like what you s—"

She launched herself at him, taking his face in both hands and smacking her lips to his.

He malfunctioned beneath her touch, frigid, unmoving, and when she finally located her senses, she rocked back on her heels, flushing scarlet.

 _Shit_!

That wasn't supposed to happen. What happened to her self-control? Ladybug was notorious for her discipline. And then she goes and does that? Right after they mended their relationship?

She dared to meet his eyes, wide and cautious and green.

"Sorry," she squeaked, backing up. That didn't just happen. No way. Nope. Never. He saw _nothing_.

His hands shot out to keep her in place. He was still looking at her like a madman. Was he in shock? She tended to put him through trauma, didn't she?

"Chat?"

That seemed to snap him out of his stupor. He smiled warmly, and one of his hands slid up her arm to her face, and the back of her neck. She blinked rapidly at him, overwhelmed by the change in demeanor.

Innocent Adrien one moment and sexy, purring leather-clad God the next.

Who gave him the right?

His eyes flickered to hers, then to her lips, asking permission. He inched closer, breath still, torturing her.

"Just kiss me," she pleaded, her hands expanding over his broad chest.

His lips brushed hers, tantalizing her, but then he pulled back, just slightly, just enough to make her groan.

"I need to run an errand first," he whispered against her cheek.

She frowned, nuzzling her nose against his.

"I hope you're joking."

"I wish I was."

"Another cat?" she drawled.

"No. I have a girlfriend to break up with," he reminded her, and she detached herself like he'd burned her. He looked at her fondly. Happily. Like the Chat she remembered in the warmest places of her heart.

"I'll be back, Princess."

* * *

OoO

* * *

Adrien was on a kind of high.

He'd conquered his fear. He'd gotten Plagg back.

And he'd just kissed the love of his life.

Well…okay, she'd kissed him, and he'd stood there, frozen, like an idiot. But still.

He never _knew_ lips could be so soft.

"Gone for two years and you're still no better off than you were before."

"Shut up, Plagg. This is progress."

"You're still a lovesick idiot. I see no progress."

"I know her identity. All secrets are out of the way! She obviously has feelings for me. Things are looking up."

"Don't get to cheeky, kid. You remember you're the epitome of bad luck, don't' you?"

Adrien glared at the creature. "Gone for two years and you're still an ass."

"Tch."

He opened his apartment door, expecting to find Lila.

 _Not_ his father.

"Adrien," he said gravely, "We need to talk."

* * *

 **An update for you guys. 3**


	7. Chapter 7

**SORRY this took so long. Finals + Christmas + Work + Writer's Block = crap. This story is coming to a close, and I always start to lose gusto after the climax. Feedback works wonders! Thank you for all the kind comments and motivation.**

* * *

Adrien shut the door behind him, leaning back against it.

This was serious.

Had he done something wrong?

(This was totally the voice his father used when he'd done something wrong.)

"What is it?" he probed, rooted to the floor. He didn't want to approach his dad when he got like this.

"She's been here, hasn't she?" Gabriel hissed.

"Who? Lila?"

Gabriel narrowed his eyes. "Ladybug."

Adrien's knees nearly gave out, and he leaned back against the door for support. How…?

"Answer me, Adrien."

"I…don't know what you mean," he attempted. But his father gave a stern shake of the head.

"Don't lie to me. Don't you dare."

Adrien watched the shadow cross his father's face. His eyes, rigid and hollow, his shoulders, stiff and obstinate. Had his father always had that look up his sleeve? That malice and contempt tucked away behind professionalism?

"She stopped by," Adrien replied carefully. "To make sure I was alright after I was…attacked by some—"

His father's hand shot out and slapped the vase off the counter. It shattered loudly on the floor, echoing down the chasm in Adrien's chest.

"I told you not to revisit your past, Adrien!" Gabriel yelled.

Adrien couldn't breathe.

"My past? What does that mean?"

"I'm talking about your ring," his father seethed, glancing down at his son's hand. All the blood drained from Adrien's face. "I'm talking about your alter ego."

And all at once, the world had disappeared beneath Adrien's feet.

 _Oh, shit. He knows._

 _He knows, and he's furious._

"How long have you known?" Adrien asked, fear latching onto his voice as he stepped around the broken shards of the vase, towards the window.

Gabriel waved his hand dismissively. "I had my suspicions. You confirmed my theory when you handed your kwami over to the Guardian. When Chat Noir disappeared from Paris."

His father had known he was Chat Noir all this time. He'd known every lie, every tall tale. Every excuse.

And he'd held it inside himself quietly.

But for what purpose?

"It's true," Adrien acknowledged, realizing he was trapped, and the only way out was honesty, brutal and cold. "I'm Chat Noir."

His father leveled his gaze, something flashing in those frozen, beady eyes. "No…you _were_."

Was that a threat? He'd expect his father to forbid his hero life when he lived under his roof. But he was his own person now. He was an adult.

Adrien shook his head, backing further away. "I've tried running from this fate. It's not the right path. I _am_ Chat. I _am_ a hero. That's my life. And there's nothing you can do to stop me from pursuing it."

"Is that so?" Gabriel challenged, and Adrien was suddenly very afraid. He'd never heard that tone before. He'd never heard the danger there. "Keeping secrets must run in the family," his father continued softly, and a purple light appeared over his eyes, accompanied by a dark suit, slowly threading into existence around his legs and torso.

Adrien backed up into the glass walls of his apartment, horrified.

"Like father, like son," said Hawk Moth.

* * *

OoO

* * *

"No."

It was all Adrien could manage. He could hardly fathom the sight before him. It had to be a nightmare. A dream.

But he'd learned long ago the pain of reality.

"You're…him," he whispered, shaking from anger, not fear. Pieces started fitting together, filling in the holes, the unexplainable. "You've…you've been after us all this time?"

Plagg growled in his pocket, and he tried to ignore the impulse to do the same.

Years of inconvenient, horrible attacks—attacks on their _friends_!

"I've been after your _miraculous_ , Adrien," Hawk Moth reasoned, like he wasn't a psychopath. A criminal. A _villain_.

It took every ounce of self-control not to fly at the man who made his life so miserable.

Out of all the questions and accusations in his mind, Adrien could only come up with a single word.

" _Why_?"

Hawk Moth opened his palms. "Those miraculouses are dangerous, Adrien. They stole your mother's life. They stole your friend's. The Chat miraculous is designed for death and destruction. And by harboring such a weapon, you've allowed it to ruin your life."

Adrien opened his mouth, but nothing came. He was too overwhelmed. His mother? What did this have to do with his mother?

"I only wish to gather all the miraculouses and destroy them, son. So they can never hurt anyone ever again. So we can be free from those who wish to use them for their evil intentions."

"You mean from people like you?" Adrien said darkly.

"From people like _us_."

The words hit him hard, and Adrien pointed to himself angrily. "I'm _nothing_ like you."

Hawk Moth smiled. "We both know that's not true. We both know you felt like you were unstoppable in that uniform. Like the world was yours and you could attain anything, be anything, destroy anything. So long as Ladybug was there to pick up the pieces. We both know you felt that dark desire inside you. And perhaps that's the real reason you quit. You couldn't curb the temptation."

Adrien's throat was closing in. Plagg was urging him to transform, but he couldn't.

He'd always resented his father for treating him like a valuable specimen. For denying him a normal adolescence. For being so detached and unkind.

But never would he have labeled his father a monster. A twisted, twisted man, who knew Adrien's darkest secrets.

Not until the face of his enemy emerged from the man he once loved.

"All I want is to destroy the power to destroy, Adrien. Once I have terminated the miraculouses, including my own, my reign will end alongside Chat Noir's. Then we can lead regular lives. We can be a family again."

Adrien's eyes stung with unshed tears.

"Until we destroy the mechanisms for such evil, they will always fall into the wrong hands, as unimaginable power always does. And people we love will continue to pay the price," Hawk Moth concluded. He grinned, extending his hand. "Join me, Adrien. Help me end the suffering."

Adrien stared, watching as his hand reached for his father's, fingers stretched for that acceptance. That love.

Then he watched as his hand curled into a fist and as his father's face broke when he realized he'd lost him.

"Claws out!"

The blinding green energy splashed the walls of his apartment, permitting a chance for escape.

With tears in his eyes, Chat Noir crashed through the window.

* * *

OoO

* * *

Hawk Moth stared after his son, his eyes narrowing with disappointment.

"For a moment, I thought I'd convinced him."

Nooroo hovered near his ear, weary. "You lied about your true intentions."

"And he still refused me," Hawk Moth sighed, releasing the tainted akuma from his palm. It fluttered out the window into the night.

"But he'll regret it."

* * *

OoO

* * *

Marinette could not stop smiling.

She'd just kissed Adrien.

She'd just kissed her partner.

And he was planning on kissing her _back_.

She'd been so positive she could repress her feelings, bury the love for her friend, for the sake of their partnership. Yet as soon as she'd seen Adrien as Chat, as the person she'd missed so desperately, all senses fell to the floor with her judgement.

She'd kissed him.

She'd kissed him!

Chat Noir!

She could only imagine what Alya would think. Would she be proud of her for acting on her feelings? Would she be motherly and caution Marinette about leather-clad heroes?

The thought gave her that familiar bittersweet feeling—the persistent longing for her dearest friend.

Tikki nuzzled her cheek, and Marientte smiled.

That's right. She wasn't alone.

She never really had been.

The sound of a bell had her turning around, forcing down a blush.

"How did she take it?" she asked as Chat landed softly on her balcony.

One of his ears twitched, and he smiled mischievously.

"Chat?"

He slipped closer, wrapping an arm around her slender waist. "I've waited so long for this…"

Her heart raced in her chest. He was so warm—not scalding, not harsh in any way—soft, like a blanket in the cold of the night.

"Did she flip out on you? Lila?" she persisted, staring at his lustful gaze.

He slow-blinked, and he leaned forward, brushing his lips against her ear.

"No more talking about her, Bug. You're the only girl on my mind right now."

Her nails dug into his shoulder.

Oh hell. Why did he have to act as hot as he looked?

He placed a kiss at her pulse point, and her knees nearly buckled. The kiss trailed higher along her neck, and she curled her toes. Holy _hell_.

"Chat…" she murmured, as he placed another wet kiss against her skin. "Do you think we're moving…too fast?"

His hand slid from her waist to the hem of her night shirt, numbing her words.

He hummed into her skin, and then he nipped her ear gently with his teeth.

"Hey, I'm not a chew toy," she reprimanded, sliding her fingers into his hair. She'd never been this intimate with a boy before. She wasn't sure what she was doing, only that it felt right.

He pushed her up against the wall, and her back arched uncomfortably into the bricks.

"Chat…"

He bit her again, but there was nothing romantic about it.

She felt her earring begin to dislodge, and her eyes snapped wide.

Using all her strength, she threw him to the floor, landing on top with her elbow to his throat.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

Chat smiled, but it was all wrong. Too wide. Too knowing.

Sinister.

Her breath caught in her throat, and she felt a stinging pain behind her eyes.

"You're akumatized."

She should have seen it immediately, but she'd been so swept up in this new romance she'd looked passed the odd look in his eyes, the hunger to his kiss.

 _Stupid_.

"That's my girl. Always so clever."

She forced her elbow deep into his jugular and he coughed painfully.

"You can tell Hawkmoth to go fuck himself. I don't care if he knows my identity. He can't beat me. Even by using _you_ , Chat."

Though it tore her up within to see him like this. Twisted, and evil.

"You can tell him yourself," Chat said, and he flipped them over, straddling her hips. He had one of her arms pinned above her head, and he reached with his right hand to steal her precious earrings.

Just as the pad of his thumb pressed against her ear, Tikki flew in to the rescue, viciously tugging at Chat's hair. He growled, swatting at her, and momentarily distracted.

Marinette thrusted her free hand into his face, feeling something crack beneath her knuckles.

She rolled out beneath him and whispered a hectic, "Spots on!"

The bright flash enveloped her, and some distant part of her reprimanded the carelessness of her action. Transforming? Here? On her balcony?

But there wasn't time for regret.

Chat's lip was bleeding, and he stared at her with seductive malice.

"That hurt."

She clasped her yo-yo tightly.

"Chaton, you should know by now—love hurts."

He smiled, and she never thought she'd hate Adrien's smile so much.

He pounced after her, and she was off running over rooftops, cursing her heart for breaking a little each time she heard him calling after her.

"Fer de shell!" she cried into her communicator. "Upper strip, ASAP."

She trusted Wayzz to transmit the message in time.

Trusting herself in a battle with the boy she cared about so deeply...that was another matter.

She'd dealt with a possessed Chat before. But not one quite so…off. He'd been akumatized for a reason. Had it been the breakup with Lila that had gotten him so distraught? Had it been… _her_?

Maybe she should never have kissed him. She'd finally gotten him back and then she'd gone and scared him off again.

Chat landed in front of her, crossing his arms. "Always running from your problems, aren't you?"

"You're one to talk," she spat.

He came at her quickly, but she dodged, swiping at his legs. He tripped, but he managed to turn the fall into a cartwheel, regaining his balance.

"What, you don't trust me, Bugaboo?" he teased.

She swallowed angrily. "Don't call me that."

"It would make things a lot easier if you'd just submit, Princess. Give me your miraculous, and it can all end."

She sent her yo-yo spiraling towards his face, and he ducked just at the right moment, feigning a yawn. "Same old moves. You didn't come up with anything new while I was gone?"

She growled, and he met her halfway, fist flying for her jaw, then her stomach.

She ducked, kneeing him in the groin and head-butting him to all fours.

"I've been practicing the old ones."

He may have been a skilled fighter, but he'd been out of work for a while now. Chat wasn't on her level anymore.

She kicked him onto his back, digging her heel into his chest.

 _Where are you, Fer?_

Chat panted beneath her, trying to catch his breath.

"Adrien..." she whispered, staring down at him. "How did he get to you?"

"Hawk Moth didn't get to me. This is who I am. And all of Paris knows it."

She frowned at him, opening her mouth to object, but he'd already rolled out from under her, swiping at her legs. She buckled, giving him the chance to tackle her to the cold tiles of the roof.

It was raining, she realized, as the water from the gutters seeped into her skin.

How fitting.

The skies bled, from the beginning to the bitter end.

Chat's body weight settled over her, and he held her down again, like it was a cycle they were bound to repeat. A never-ending struggle.

His green eyes softened slightly at the sight of her pained face. "If we give him what he wants, he'll stop," he said. "It's the only way to protect you."

She stared at him. Was this Chat speaking? Or his doppelganger? "He'll never stop. After us, he'll go after Master Fu, and all the other holders in the world. We can't surrender, Adrien. You know that!"

"I don't know anything anymore," he confessed, staring at her with wide, teary eyes. "All this time...he's been after us. My own father..."

Ladybug stilled beneath him, mouth opening, only to close again in shock.

"You mean...Hawk Moth...is your—"

"Father. Yeah..." he said calmly, readjusting his grip on her wrists. She'd never seen an akuma victim so vulnerable before. So calm.

Others had gone rogue because of trivial errors or hurt feelings. Chat had to come to terms with the fact that Gabriel Agreste had been their enemy all along.

Chat's own blood.

"Oh...Chaton," she said, eyes widening.

Chat shook his head. "Give me the earrings, Bug. And we can stop this. We can be happy."

"No, kitty," she sighed sadly. "Whatever Gabriel has promised you, it's a lie."

"No..." he insisted, like he was still trying to convince himself.

"Who do you trust, Adrien? The man who has lied to you all this time? Or me? Your partner? Your friend?"

His hands shook, and without meeting her eyes, he reached down, unclipping her earrings.

"This is the only way."

She felt her suit disappear with the magic of her miraculous as Chat tucked the jewelry away in his belt pouch.

She could hardly move. She was more devastated than worried. Heartbroken by the fact it was her own partner who had fallen to the hands of such evil.

"Fine. Take the earrings. I'll get them back," she said defiantly, rain spilling over her cheeks. "I'll get you back too, Chaton."

Something dark passed over his features, and he looked conflicted.

"I can't..."

"Can't what?" she said, glancing sideways over the horizon.

Nino could show up _any_ day now...

He battled some kind of mental discourse, and then he exhaled, giving in. "Cataclysm..." he whispered solemnly, and Marinette's heart stalled, smacked with the impact of reality.

He was going for the kill.

The dark energy sparked in his palm, and she stared at him, helpless, as he drew his hand back, ready to strike.

 _Shit._

 _Nino, hurry!_

"Chat, you're in there," she said quickly. "This isn't you! You know you aren't a murderer. You know you aren't a villain. Don't listen to him!"

He seemed to be fighting Hawk Moth's control, shaking his head, eyes crammed shut against the voices.

She was crying now, because they had both been through too much, too young, and she was losing him all over again.

"Don't do this, Adrien. It's not you."

"It is…I've always had the darkness here…" he patted his chest, above his heart. "Hawk Moth is my father. It's in my blood. It's who I've always been."

"No," she sobbed. "You've always been the better half of us, Chat." The tears rained. "And…and I love you for it."

He bared his teeth. Wincing against the two opposing voices.

"Bug…" he whispered.

"I love you, Chat," she repeated, begging for his return. "Come back to me."

She saw a glimpse of Adrien flicker in Chat's eyes. He was fighting...winning.

"Come back."

He screamed painfully, and his destructive hand clasped around his bell, shattering the accessory into little golden shards, along with the akuma inside it. She watched Chat's angry eyes fade to sorrow.

The rain washed away the coldness in his gaze.

He stared down at her, another apology already on the way, but she shook her head, silencing him as she cried through a smile.

"You're… _you_?" she checked, on the verge of a breakdown.

"I'm me," he croaked, and a few tears fell to her cheek from his.

Chat didn't crawl off her. He simply watched her, eyes searching hers for understanding…for validation.

"You love me?" he finally said.

Her eyes bugged, and she tried to scowl, but she was so relieved at his return she couldn't force the corners of her smile down.

"I thought the victims never remembered anything!" she pouted. She cast her gaze away from his, blushing.

"You _love_ me," he teased, a few more tears falling. He flashed that Cheshire grin.

Then Chat was thrown from her, tackled to the ground.

Shell de Fer delivered no mercy.

* * *

OoO

* * *

"Nino!" she yelled, voice hoarse. "Stop!"

He threw punch after punch, and Marinette feared he was going to drive Chat's skull through the roof.

Chat didn't put up much of a fight, trying to speak between blows.

It would have been funny if it weren't the two most important men in her life.

"Nino! Nino, it's me."

 _Thwack_!

"Adrien!"

Slowly, Nino retracted his fist, staring down at the bloody face.

"What?"

"It's me, Adrien."

The silence lingered for too long. Marinette couldn't look. It was a disaster. A complete disaster.

Nino wiped a bit of the blood away from Adrien's face, eyes widening with recognition.

The rain pattered over the roof as their panting slowed, bloody lips and knuckles.

"What the fuck, man," Nino said finally.

"I'm sorry," Adrien burst. "I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for not being there. I was too scared you'd hate me. You _should_ hate me…You _do_ hate me, right?"

Nino watched him, chewing his lip. He glanced over at Marinette, suspicious.

She nodded, encouraging him to proceed.

 _Baby steps._

"It was an accident," Nino said slowly. "I've watched the footage over and over. I know you were trying to save Ladybug. I know you didn't mean for it to happen. But it still did."

"I know," Adrien said, voice faltering. "I can never forgive myself."

"Yeah, well. You shouldn't."

"Nino!" Mari chided.

"But…it doesn't mean _I_ can't," he said, though the words seemed to taste bitter on his tongue. "It might take some time. And a lot of fucking alcohol. But I think everything makes a lot more sense now."

Adrien gaped at his friend. "You're serious?"

Nino sighed, fingers unclenching from Chat's wrist. "Yeah. I guess I am."

He slapped Adrien across the face one more time, just for good measure.

* * *

OoO

* * *

Chat removed the earrings from his possession and gave them back to Marinette with another extensive apology. She smiled, and he was reminded that he definitely didn't deserve her.

The rain had waned, and he watched the crisp moon rise over the city.

"Where do we go from here?" he asked. "Hawk Moth knows. He knows who we are."

"There's no place safe for us," Marinette agreed, frowning down at Tikki.

"What about my house?" Nino offered.

Mari rapped her knuckles against the chimney. "We can't draw attention to you. We can't risk Hawk Moth discovering your identity too."

"Master Fu?"

"We'd be leading him straight to the other miraculouses," Adrien concluded.

Marinette and her kwami appeared to be having a silent conversation. Mari didn't like the conclusion.

She wrapped her arms around herself, biting her lip with distaste.

"I know a place. "

* * *

OoO

* * *

Adrien stuck his hands in his pockets. He'd given Mari his jacket because her clothes were soaked through from the rain.

Because he was a fucking idiot and attacked his best friend.

He couldn't believe he let himself get possessed by an evil fucking butterfly.

The hell?

Granted, he'd had a pretty good reason to be emotionally distraught.

His father had only tried to kill him and the love of his life throughout all of high school.

"This is it," Marinette said, and they hurried up to the apartment door. She glanced at him, a silent question, and he nodded.

She knocked gently.

After a few seconds, the door cracked open, and a pair of startling green eyes took them in.

"Marinette?" the woman whispered, confused.

"We need your help, Lillian."


End file.
